redrose66 / June 12, 2015 / Just for Laughs
Caution: May not be suitable for children under 13 years of age Rated PG-13
Have you ever had your spellchecker on and were in a hurry to sent a text or message and forgot to take that second look and do a quick proof read over what you wrote prior to pushing that “send message” button? Yeah, me too, I’m assuming that I’m not the only one flawed.
For instance just today I was messaging my niece and was telling her the reason I didn’t get back with her yesterday, okay? So I this is the message I sent::
Me: “spent the day with my Grandview yesterday”.
What I meant was “spent the day with my grandkids yesterday”. But I corrected it promptly because I did a quick check just as I hit the send button, not giving her a chance to respond to my grammatical error.
Here’s one from a couple of days ago between my husband and me:
Me: “I was going to talk to Lettuce again…”
My husband: “ok?”
Me: “I was going to talk to **Letty again. That silly spellchecker’s a stinker. It sneaks up on you like a serpent, you know what I mean?”
Now I usually put two asterisk marks before my corection like this: **correction just like that so they can see that I’m making a correction. And yes, *FYI: I intentionally misspelled the word “correction” to make my point in case someone was wondering.
Spellchecker is pretty funny sometimes, but frequently it can be annoying. Like when it misplaces an intended innocent word for a naughty word or offensive word. That’s happened to me before but I can’t recall any specifics at this time but I did find some online that had other people frustrated.
This is about a couple trying to understand each other:
Person A: “Can you get pregnant before you come over today?”
Person B: “what”
Person A: “OH My GOD. I meant to ask if you could get my Pringles at the grocery store.”
Person A: “Pringles…the chips…NOT pregnant…gahhhh”
Person B: “*omg ahh hahahahaha”
And another one: This is lovers having a passionate goodnight:
Person A: “Love you Babe! Goodnight!”
Person B: “My love for you is strong I would buy you a casket if I could!”
Person B: “castle. I promise I meant castle.”
Person B: “autocorrect why do you have to ruin me so?”
Person B: “Emily?”
Person B: “Hello?”
This can be taken different ways:
Person A: “D I caught some squirts!”
Person B: “….That’s nice I guess”
Person A: “Yea, you want one?”
Person B: “Ummmm, no thanks. You can keep ‘em.”
Person A: “You sure?” They’re the flying ones.”
Person B: “…Flying squirts?! Why would I want that?!”
Person A: “SQUIRRELS”
Person B: “Bahahahaha! I thought you were sick or something.* LOL”
Caution: These are more graphic then the prior ones. PG-13 is advised.
This is just a meal deal, breaker that is:
Person A: “Chicken Vaginas sounds good for dinner tonight”
Person B: “No, not really” “and …*ROFL *btw”
Person A: “? What would you rather have?”
Person A: “*omg, hahahaha! Chicken fajitas.* wtf, phone!
Person B: “Definitely not chicken vaginas.”
Person B: “Oh … that sounds much better :p”
Here’s another: This is a boss and employee having a conversation.
Da Boss: “Can you come in today for just a few hours? Everyone called in today.
Employee: “Maybe in about an hour or so. I gotta finish my cocaine then masturbate everything and shower”.
Da Boss: “I’m not sure what to say to that”
Employee: “COOKING not cocaine and PACK UP not masturbate. Autocorrect sucks!”
Here’s a couple more just for laughs. It was intentionally innocent I suspect:
Person A: “I hate when people don’t have control over their pussy! It seriously slobbered all over me. I hate that smell, and now I’m all sticky.”
Person A: “PUPPIES!!!”
Person A: *OMG puppies!
Person B: “I am laughing so hard right now!!”
Person A: “So not cool”
This one is something that happens when you catch the auto-correct and try and remedy the situation immediately but the auto-correct wins in the end.
Person A: “Can you pick me up some more boobsicles”
Person A: “No. I meant boobsicles”
Person A: “boobsicles”
Person A: “GOD DONKEY”
Person B: “so that’s 3 orders of boobsicles and one holy donkey. Anything else?
Person A: “no”
This was one that caught me off guard and I just could not help but bust up in laughter. It hit close to home and reminded me of someone from my past. But that’s a story for another time. Here goes:
Person A: “What’s up?”
Person B: “Not much. I’ve just been sucking penis all day”
Person A: “That’s good for you…”
Person B: “oh dear god shucking penis”
Person B: “PENIS”
Person B: “peanuts!!!”
Person B: “piece of shirt phone”
This one is a mom and her child’s conversation. Don’t shoot the messenger but this made me laugh.
Mom: “Dan and I are going out. Dinner is in the microwave”
Child: “awesome! You’re the best! Where you heading?”
Mom: “he’s going to show me his cock!!! im supper excited!!”
Child: “WTF mom ewwwww why would you say that?”
Mom: “OMG!!! His “COCK” ”
Child: “yeah got it mom thanks”
Mom: “stupid phone D O C K! where he keeps his boat!”
Child: “yeah ok”
This one is relatives talking about their grandmother. Poor grandma. Glad she’s okay though.
Person A: “Great news- Grandma is homosexual!”
Person B: “Okay?”
Person A: “Homo hot lips”
Person A: “Hot tulips”
Person A: “I am getting fisted now”
Person A: “Frustrated”
Person A: “Grandma is h o m e”
Person A: “from h o s p I t a l”
Person B: “Hahaha homo hot lips!!??
Well I hope you enjoyed these as much as I did! Have a great Day! Till Next Time!
Footnotes: *omg= oh my gosh/god *wtf= what the fu_ _ *ROFL= roll on floor
*btw= by the way LOL= laugh out loud FYI= For Your Information
Copyright © 2015 by Josephine Rojas. All rights reserved.
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